Pocket Doors and My Manhood
Our bathroom has a pocket door to save space - that's one of those doors that slide on a hidden rail in and out of the wall. From time to time, usually because my kids go slamming into it, the door comes off its rails and gets jammed, which is a problem as it can bottleneck some very critical facilities.
The first time this happened, I tried to get it back on its track, but I just could not. The track is up in the wall and it is almost impossible due to the lack of clearance to do anything with it. I checked in the Yellow Pages and saw there was actually a company that specialized in pocket door repairs, so I called them out. Well, Joe (or whoever) shows up with his little tool kit, looks at the door for a second, grabbed it in a certain way, and then gave it a quick jerk - kabam - and it was back in its tracks. It took him like 5 seconds.
Well, there I stood, completely unmanned, right in front of my laughing wife and family, by Joe the visible butt-crack guy. Bummer.
Since that time, I have had the door come untracked two or three times. Thinking to save me further embarrassment, my wife tends to ask any passing stranger to come in and fix it. I can sit there for hours fighting the thing, and then my wife brings in the guy painting the house - kabam - fixed. Next time she brought in the 60+ year old sales guy who happened to be there - kabam - fixed. I swear, if Paris Hilton was dropping by for a visit she could probably fix that damn door. It is humiliating.
Well, this time I would not allow my wife get someone else to fix it. Every night, for about 10 minutes, I would take my innings with the door, struggling to do what everyone else seemed to have learned at birth. I actually suggested to my wife that we should call out a contractor and tear the thing out and install a real door. She suggested instead that she could have our 13-year-old baby sitter come in from the other room to fix it. Finally, tonight, when I was about to give up, I tried holding it in a slightly different way and - Kabam - fixed. God I feel great. My manhood is restored and I am at the top of the world.
WELCOME Carnival of the Vanities! My post this week is a little more whimsical than usual. If you need to chew on something more serious, check out a 60 second refutation of socialism while sitting at the beach.
