Time for Some Individual Action in NY

Folks in the OWS neighborhood in NYC are fed up and want the city to kick out the protesters.  While they grow old waiting for that, I would suggest taking some individual action right out of the army psi-ops manual (actually, its also from a Sopranos episode).

  1. Find some big-ass speakers
  2. Find the biggest amp you can
  3. Place speakers in window, point out at park.
  4. Find the single most annoying recording you can, and play it at volume 11 .. over and over and over and over, day in and day out.  I might try "I'm turning Japanese" or maybe "I want a hippopotamus for Christmas."  Possibly the song they used to play over and over in FAO Schwartz stores, or "It's a small world."   Or maybe something like a Joel Osteen sermon.  It almost doesn't matter once its been repeated 12 times an hour for 3 days.


  1. Arthur Felter:

    Ha. At first when I read, "Find some big-ass speakers" I thought to myself... like who? Christie?

    Then I read number two and realized you were talking about a different type of speaker.

  2. Arthur Felter:

    Oh, and an XKCD comic about the amp that goes to 11 (one of my favs):


  3. Jerry:

    I'm sure the NYPD will come and arrest you for making too much noise.

  4. morganovich:

    ever heard the theme song to "happy tree friends"?


    there is no one alive this would not make certifiably insane after 20 minutes.

    you really need to add step 5 though:

    don noise canceling headphones or just straight up leave.

  5. Ed Flinn:

    Jingle Bells with barking dogs!

  6. DKH:

    Another relevant xkcd comic?


  7. el coronado:

    "Grandmaw got runned over by a reindeer". They'll scurry outta there like rats off the Titanic.

  8. Agammamon:

    If all the neighborhood residents did that then you wouldn't need to buy powerfull gear and it would show those shiftless idiots the change that real community action can affect.

  9. jon spencer:

    How about some talk radio around the clock. Talkers with a conservative bent only. The OWS'ers might even learn something.

  10. James H:

    This seems like a scorched-earth approach, destroying the neighborhood to save it.

  11. Johnson:

    Those who followed Bloomie's siren song to flock to the financial district for hip housing on the cheap are now paying the price. Time to move back to the Upper East Side where nobody bothers you and the living is easy.

  12. Andrew:

    When I was in college, a guy in my frat house had the biggest speakers on campus. Usually, before he went to class, he'd turn it up all the way, and leave.
    His stereo was immune to flipping the breaker, it'd come back on, and since each breaker controlled more than one room, it wasn't fair to the others to just leave it off.

    His choices were.... Polka, or one of his dozen or so scratched CD's. Either one was pretty annoying.

    Think that may work but I bet the nypd cops would come arrest you, heard one of the park owners board members is Bloomie's bed friend, if you get my drift, so I'm guessing they remove you and your speakers should you try this trick.

  13. Dimitri Mariutto:

    This song gets my vote: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0
    It would drive people insane.

  14. John David Galt:

    If they were in MY neighborhood, I'd start by hooking a fire hose up to the nearest hydrant and turning it on them.

  15. el coronado:

    Eureka! I've got it!! Barbershop Quartets! *EVERY*body hates that crap!

  16. Mesa Econoguy:

    Mexican Radio, by The Wall of Voodoo

  17. MJ:

    I think there's a Rick Roll opportunity here waiting to happen.

  18. Samsam von Virginia:

    I think I would decide it is finally time to learn to play bagpipes. I would buy a set of bagpipes for all my neighbors and encourage them to join me in my new-found hobby.

  19. Roy Lofquist:

    About 40 years ago I took my girlfriend and her 5 year old daughter to Disneyland. We were on the "Small World" ride and it broke. Forty five minutes of listening to "It's a Small World" over and over. The first three words would make me flee to Kansas.

  20. John Moore:

    I would suggest someone get an electric guitar and a big amp, and go out and practice. Talent, in this case, would reduce the effectiveness.

    But... one could then claim free speech rights (street performer and all that).

    There is, of course, a risk that this somewhat altered crowd would enjoy the sound, but in that case:


  21. Smock Puppet, "Oh, Man-dy....":

    I recall hearing about a convenience store that had problems with people hanging around outside, of a variety and sort that chased away "good" business.

    They used a technique much like you suggest to give the loiterers a reason to be elsewhere: a selection of Barry Manilow songs.

    Somehow, that doesn't seem likely to sit well with the type of person I see as likely to be in the OWS crowd, either.

  22. Smock Puppet, "Oh, Man-dy....":

    >>> The OWS’ers might even learn something.

    I really, really like your idea, but the chances of the above happening are about the same as all the air in the park suddenly vacating the premises due to brownian motion randomly "syncing up" and leaving a vacuum in the park for long enough for their pointy widdle heads to explode.

    It's possible. But... ah, "I wouldn't hold my breath". :D

  23. perlhaqr:

    Andrew: And you guys didn't just kick down his door?

  24. gordon-bennett:


    Definition of a gentleman. A man who can play the bagpipes but doesn't.

  25. Don:

    "This seems like a scorched-earth approach, destroying the neighborhood to save it."

    Hey, it worked with the free market, right?

    Oh, wait...

  26. Evil Red Scandi:

    I'd suggest urine-filled balloons, but sadly the denizens of #OWS may not be able to smell the difference.

  27. Larry Sheldon:

    I would suggest some Wagnerian sopranos.

  28. Larry Sheldon:

    "urine-filled balloons"

    I di not believe in fighting abuse with abuse.

    Besides, they would never notice.

  29. blokeinfrance:

    Vandalism and public urination (or worse) has long been a problem in UK bus shelters, station waiting rooms, etc but the problem has recently been solved by piping classical music at low volume to these areas where anti-social elements used to congregate.
    This solution is low-impact and also has the bonus that many of the pieces are played by (have I got the euphemism right?) "zionists".

  30. steve:


  31. Capn Rusty:

    "In the interest of airport security . . ."

  32. davidr:

    Let's go straight for the approach Gitmo used: Barney the Dinosaur singing "I love you, you love me..."

  33. Graeme:

    I heard a rumour that at Gitmo they used Kylie Minogue - after all - how long could anyone listen to "Locomotion"...

    Sheer torture.

  34. Todd:

    This can't be anything other than Nugent.


    Now there ain't nobody out there who even wants to get a little bit mellow now, is there? :-)

  35. deadcenter:

    go with subwoofers, you don't need as much volume as the sound is omnidirectional. pull the bass track from any techno or strip club. essentially, you're driving the sound through the earth, so it's a relentless attack on the senses. laying down to go to sleep just puts more of your body in contact with the sound.

  36. Smock Puppet, Piloting The Economic Seas Betwixt Scilla and Charybdis:

    >>> go with subwoofers, you don’t need as much volume as the sound is omnidirectional.

    LOL, with permission from the super or property owner, you can put some of these in the basement, and face them directly into the walls towards the park... Then it would probably be difficult to locate exactly where the sound was coming from, and the subsonics would irritate the freakin' CRAP out of them, that's what subsonics do, they set your teeth on edge.

  37. marco73:

    Not that I'm very proud of it, but a couple moves ago I lived across the street from a deputy sheriff. One Fourth of July, he and some deputy buddies decided that shooting off fireworks in the street until 4am was just good clean fun. I knew even if I called, no way would any sheriff tell these guys to knock it off.
    So I decided to get even. I waited until one Friday morning, right after I saw the deputy come home from a night shift. My brother owned a speedboat with a V8 and open exhaust. So with the boat on the trailer, we tuned the engine for about 2 hours, starting, revving, stopping, etc. I noticed the blinds open and close a couple times, but he never came out to speak with us. I'm sure the message was received, since we never had any noise problems after that.
    I did read somewhere that the OWS crowd was getting annoyed with their own drummers, and have set limits on how long the drummers can drum.

  38. Craig:

    I like the idea of using conservative talk radio, or religious music/sermons. I also like the idea of using one of those "crap cannons" that causes people to lose bowel control.

  39. jhc:

    This post reminds me of living in a dorm during my freshman year at Illinois. There was someone on the 3rd floor who would point his speakers out his windows and play Eddie Arnold singing Cattle Call early every evening -- about the time the dorm's cafeteria opened.

    It was sort of amusing the first few times but got really old in a hurry. Luckily, he didn't do that all winter.

  40. Doug:

    Try a more stealthy approach. Given that this is mostly a young crew, their ears can hear things that we elders can't. I'm talking about "high frequency." 15kHz is a good starting point, something any reasonable tweeter can easily reproduce. Feed a 15kHz sinewave into an amplifier, maybe make it chirp (on/off), and then let 'er rip. The older people, mostly the cops, won't be able to hear it, so if the kids complain, the cops can rightly say "what noise?" and mean it. I think there are cellphone apps that will ring the device's loudspeaker at 15kHz. The kids love this app because they (the kids) can hear the tones, but the teachers can't. So I'm saying to using this concept, but with some serious amplification behind it. Another factor is that high frequency sound is like an automobile headlight: the sound is rather focused in a beam. Thus, the speaker has directionality to it. You can point it at the offending party to achieve best results.

    Works well on dogs, too, although you usually have to crank up the frequency to between 20-25kHz.

  41. Voolfie:

    My friends and I once got thrown out of a bar for playing the 'Ghostbusters' theme ten times in a row on the jukebox. So that might do it.

  42. fiesty one:

    What about varying ringtones that will cause mass confusion as the little bastards try to answer their (not ringing) phones? Or how about "mambo number 5?"

    Or maybe, if you really want them to suffer, play the theme song to old TV show "Facts of Life."
    (you take the good you take the bad you take 'em both & there you have
    the facts of life
    the facts of life...)