A National Security Announcement

Today, the world is a safer place.  Federal Agents from the Department of Homeland Security have siezed my Crest toothpaste.  You can all fly safely now.

Update:  Hey, I have an idea.  The airplane liquids ban makes so much sense, let's promote its author to Attorney General.  Nothing says "able to make clear-headed choices on tradeoffs between security and civil rights" like the liquids ban.  4oz - safe.  4.2 oz - security threat.


  1. Tim:

    I freakin' hate the liquids ban! Fly out of Chicago and they don't hassle you, fly into Chicago from some po-dunk nowheresville airport and they take your contact solution. That stuff costs $9 per bottle and it was brand new! The last time they took my toothpaste I asked them, " what makes my toiletries INSIDE a ziplock bag so much safer than when they were OUTSIDE the ziplock bag?" The dweeb says to me, " It's FAA policy". So I say, "It's nice to know you can explain the logic behind the rule." His response was to blink at me for awhile.

  2. Bill:

    I suppose we are supposed to believe that you had no idea that you had 4.2 oz. with you. I can just see you while packing, carefully squeezing that 6 oz. tube down to 4.2, just to set up our hardworking TSA agents.

  3. Larry Sheldon:

    Which kind of Crest? This could be serious!

    (It is 14:42 locally, let's ee how long it takes them to come after me.)

  4. Flatland:

    Well, there has to be a line somewhere. You can't make a zone where TSA says "Well... maybe... I guess this is small enough." Although I would like to see what decision was made for 4 oz. Did they have some data for the impact of 4 oz of plastic explosive or something?

  5. Mike Koerner:

    But did you feel safe? The TSA's job is to make you feel safer and show the public that the government is doing something. It's like sticking your head in the sand. They are protecting against previous attack methods, not preventing new ones. If the zealots really wanted to attack they would probably come up with something new.

    How many times have they checked your computer to see if it has a battery that is on a defective recall list? Those batteries have been proven to explode. Does cell phone use really cause havoc on airplane controls? Why do they insist that the phones are off? Do they check laptops to see if the wifi is off?

    My big question is why doesn't Crest and Colegate make a 4 oz tube yet? It's either the 1 oz or the 4.6 oz.

  6. TCO:

    You know the only thing that annoys me more than people holding up boarding my (almost might miss it) flight by not showing their liquids is people who bitch about it. The troops checking security don't have time for individual exemptions. Use the damn correct size, the damn correct transparent quart bag, etc. etc.

  7. Josh:

    Sure, TCO. Because I have nothing better to do than memorize the TSA's restricted items list, or check their website in case they've decided that sodium chloride is the Next Big Threat (tm).

  8. TCO:

    Just don't take anything if it is so hard. And quit the whining in line. I don't care if you want to fly ass to the breeze. I could go for that. Could go for brutal bloodshed after 9-11. But it doesn't matter when you're in line. You just sound like a whiney American then.

  9. JLB:

    It's a goofy rule, but such is life. And a couple things:

    1) Unless they changed it in the last few weeks, it's 3oz, not 4oz.

    2) The brilliant contact lense solution companies only sell travel size bottles that are 4 oz. So when I fly (at least once a month on average) I end up buying a bottle of lense solution when I arrive and throwing it away when I return. The environmentalists must hate me.

    3) If you hate the US, don't go to the UK. Not only do they have the liquids limit like the US, but they also have a very strict 1 carry-on bag rule, and the carry-on size limit is very small -- roughly the size of a backpack or large briefcase. Forget about carrying on your rolling luggage.

  10. Craig:

    I despise the new security guidelines to the point that I just don't fly anymore. I've relearned the joys of driving on our fine Interstate highway system. That said, the ban on liquids appears to have been a sensible attempt to prohibit liquid-based explosives that British Muslims had been observed preparing for use on U.S.-bound flights. Annoying ban, but, unfortunately, prudent.