Six Inches from Being Steve Bartman

Today I had to make my usual Sunday morning run to the hardware store to get ... something or other, I can't remember.  Anyway, as I was leaving, I looked behind be, saw no one there, and started backing up.  I have one of those backup warning thingies that been when you are about to hit something, and suddenly the things starts screaming at me, and I jam on the brakes.  There, cutting behind my car, is Randy Johnson, Diamondbacks pitcher and 27-time Cy Young winner.  I seem to have missed his knee by about 6 inches.  Gulp. 

By the way, if you think Johnson looks creepy on the mound, you should see him flashing a searing FU look.  This event effectively adds to my long history as scourge-to-the-stars, wherein I have stepped on Raul Julia's foot, spilled a big Gulp size diet coke on Brook Shields, added a big ink stain to Farrah Fawcett's blouse, hit Martina Navratilova in the face with a revolving door, and, uh, others I might share if my mom did not read this blog.


  1. Dan:

    This is my favorite blog post ever.

  2. Streaker:

    And, to add to the comment directly above mine... who the fuck cares?

    I've 'almost' backed into people in a parking lot, too. I've almost been 'backed into' in parking lots, too.

    I'm pretty sure I flashed them an FU look, too. I'm sure I've flashed an FU look to people I've almost backed into, too. I mean, really, didn't they see that I was backing out? There was no other way to avoid me other than charging in front of a two ton vehicle and hoping the operator sees me?

    So, IOW, the cult of celebrity sucks.

  3. Barbara Meyer:

    Ah, come on. My brain doesn't comprehend 50% of your blogs. Give me some dirt I can understand and enjoy!