Coyote Blog

COVID has not been easy, but our service business has managed to continue to serve customers in the same ways we always have.  As I have written before, other companies in the service sector seem to have a different attitude and to be mailing it in, with the average loss of corporate IQ being about 20 points, and probably 40 points in the financial services sector.  I have been working every day until after midnight because I have to spend my 8-5 job tediously coaching service providers through their jobs so our company can get what it needs.  I have a 40+ person reminder list on my desk of service providers I have to call every day to remind them they owe me something.  I then start my real day in the evening, getting done the actual work I have to do for my company.

Here are two stories from this morning:

@FISGlobal, formerly Worldpay and a bunch of other names, is a large credit card processor with who we have about 7-8 accounts.  I just was set up on their online portal last month and tried to log in the first time.  I had the user name and password right (everyone should use Lastpass or something like it), but they insist on also asking me challenge questions (eg name of first pet) that I get wrong for the obvious reason that I have not set them yet.  You can set them the first time you log in, but either I did not or I have not logged in yet.  I tried every reset mechanism they have but none of these will proceed without... wait for it... answering the challenge questions.  So I tried to call.  No luck. Absolutely no phone number.  So I emailed.  Two days later I have had no response.  It is simply astounding that one of the top merchant processors in the world cannot manage to fix a 60-second log in problem on less than a 48 hour (and counting) turnaround cycle.

So I tried today to find a phone number.  I finally called the Worldpay general number and they said they could not help me.  I asked for the correct phone number, they said they could not give it to me.  I insisted.  I got grumpy.  They finally gave me an 800 number.  It turned out it was the number for office depot.  I almost have to respect the customer service agent for giving me a fake number like I was some creepy dude in a bar, but I still cannot log in.  As soon as things get better, I am switching providers.  The other merchant processors may have been just as bad in COVID, but at least their support is reachable (I have had good experience with stripe in my online accounts).

@USbank.  These guys are really headed to the hall of fame of service fail, even against the low bar of other banks.  Previously I wrote about my experience last month, where I needed their deposit slip template for the MICR data on the slip so I could get deposit slips made by a 3rd party printer.  I have accounts with 44 banks, including some really small ones, and 43 immediately produced this when asked.  For US Bank I went to every branch of theirs in town and NO ONE had ever heard of such a thing nor could they produce it.  I waited on hold for 4 hours with their customer service and they had no idea, but read up in some book and decided that I could have one for the cost of $500.  LOL.  Finally I just bought $19 of their own deposit slips that I was never going to use but I could send to the printer as a template.

So over the same period I have been trying to change our corporate name on an account to reflect our post-merger status (same FEIN, different name and structure).  I again go to the local branch folks, and to the 800 number, and they promise service, but nothing happens.  So I call back and they have never heard of the request and we start over.  In the middle of this I now need to open a second account (we have campgrounds in rural locations and in two places US Bank is the only reasonably close choice).  So I go to the branch (the world of banking makes you show up in person to open a corporate checking account, even if you have to fly across country to do it) to open the second account and all seems well, they ask me to come back.  So I come back the next day, and it is not ready.  We set an appointment, and I come back then.  Again it is not ready -- they tell me (wait for it) that my corporate name has changed with the state.  No shit, I answer.  I am pretty sure the dude I am talking to is one of the ones who I had asked for the name change to be done earlier and dropped the ball.  He says they are going to have to close all the accounts and start over.  When I seem impatient, he gets mad at me and tells me it is my fault for, get this, not telling them the corporate name has changed.  Aaarrggghh.  But bankers are one millimeter from government workers and you have to be obsequious and pretend that they are infallible and so I said yes sir thank you sir when can I come back yet again for the new accounts?

Postscript:  Please!  Will someone please come up with a way that I can convert cash and personal checks in rural locations into dollars in my Phoenix bank account?  I pay credit card processors about 3%, I would happily pay 3% to Walmart or someone else to do cash concentration for us.