Republicans to Receive Bailout from Congress

Congressional Democrats announced today that they had agreed to a bailout plan for Republicans after last week's devastating election results.  While exact details are unavailable, sources tell us that the Republicans will be given 4 seats in the Senate and 15 in the House.  Nancy Pelosi said in a statement today: "We've established pretty clearly over the last several months that failed strategies and management should not necessarily have to result in losses in market share, particularly for well-connected Washington insiders."

Asked for comment, Democratic strategist James Carville was giddy.  "This is brilliant.  It really doesn't give up anything of substance to the Republicans.  But it will sap the energy from the Republican Party for making any substantial changes, and make it more likely they will continue the failed strategies that led to this most recent loss.  After their recent failures, the Republicans were on the verge of being forced to reinvent their whole organization.  This bailout should reduce the likelihood of that substantially."

When asked if bailouts of AIG, General Motors, Ford, Chrysler, Freddie Mac, Fannie Mae, and Bear Stearns wouldn't similarly reduce the urgency to change failed approaches, Carville answered "no comment."


  1. James:

    Brilliant. I really hope this gets picked up somewhere big.

  2. ngthagg:

    Any chance of giving McCain 6 months in office as well?

  3. Noah D:

    How about 2 SCOTUS picks instead?

  4. Alamo:

    Well done!

  5. seyont:

    This campaign was our Fanny Mae. It's manager, John McCain, should- like Raines, Gorelick, Johnson, Frank, and Dodd before him- make out VERY nicely in the new Democratic majority.

  6. IMSmall:


    Great shame is due the corporations
    That have bamboozled me--
    So various their depredations
    And truth the casualty
    Whilst I am counseled, "to have patience"
    Lest their demise I see.

    "A corporation cannot die"
    And yet it is a person!
    The riddle leaves no wonder why
    Do situations worsen,
    Whilst, wounded, I sit idly by,
    Malicious anger nursing.

    There is no one accountable,
    No recourse left at all,
    Advantage insurmountable
    They hold, while someone Small,
    Upon no road to bountiful
    A man´s reduced to crawl.

    Great shame is theirs, and malice mine
    To nurse--how I regret it--
    But there were not an anodyne
    (Besides, how could one get it!)
    Save to the dustbin fate consign
    Their lot--if I could let it!


  7. John Anderson:

    I see what you did there...

    Well played!